Monday, June 29, 2009
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The Face
With my recovery from the flu having been a slow process, I was inundated with all things about Michael Jackson on the television. I had been of the opinion for more than the last 15 years or so that Michael Jackson was unfortunately, very mentally ill. Those feelings and opinions were simply based upon his proliferation of bad press in the news. Yet, during the last few days, while I have seen so much of his recent history, it is the earlier imagery that has left me feeling very sad. It is this earlier imagery that makes me feel so much more sad about his life than I had in the recent past. A case in point is in his looks. He literally mutilated himself into something that appeared nearly non-human. This first image represents Michael Jackson BEFORE having plastic surgery on his face. He looks like a normal, handsome young man. His age at this time would be roughly 20. Here is another image of him after untold numbers of surgeries that destroyed his appearance.
I am of the opinion that Jackson likely died from an overdose of narcotics that were exacerbated by severe anorexia in which he began to digest his own heart muscle due to the lack of his consuming food.
It is so very sad. The reality is that he has been "off" mentally for 25 years, ever since he started the process of decapitating his nose and destroying his body. People who were his friends and relatives SHOULD have forced him into a mental health facility to work through whatever it was that was going on in his mind.
PipeTobacco
11:20 PM
Friday, June 26, 2009
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Mending
This is the worst case of a flu I have experienced in roughly the last 15 years. Fortunately, I am finally feeling on the upswing. I am not over it completely, but I can feel it waning. This makes me very happy.
The sad notes are of course the deaths of Farrah Faucett and Michael Jackson. Both Farrah and Michael had significant difficulties and problems in their famous lives.
Farrah had relationships with men who significantly used recreational drugs. It has especially affected one of her sons, Redmond.
Michael had significant personal issues that drove him to hurt and destroy himself through plastic surgeries and other treatments to his body (eyeliner tattoos as one example).
Yet, both individuals will be missed for their art. Farrah, when she did act, was a very compelling actress. Michael Jackson, with his voice, choreography, and creativity, transformed an entire generation of pop music.
Both will be missed, and both died too young.
PipeTobacco
8:35 AM
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
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Sicker Than A Dog
I have been sicker than a dog since Saturday evening. When I am well, I will write more.
PipeTobacco
10:06 AM
Friday, June 19, 2009
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Not Sure
I am not sure what the day has in store. I am feeling nebulous.
PipeTobacco
9:19 AM
Thursday, June 18, 2009
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Overwhelming Gloom
Wednesday did not turn out well. Emotionally, I have gone into a deep spiral of sadness. I feel like crying most of the time, and even when I try to work (around the home or at the U), the time it takes me to complete anything is about 8 times greater than it should be.
A case in point is to be seen in my trip to Menards. I am attempting to repaint a and remodel a bedroom in our home and needed some supplies (a new grate for the cold air return, a few wall switch plates, wood putty, spray paint, and a few other odds and ends). In my normal state of mind I would have gotten these items and been out of the store in 20 minutes. On Wednesday, it took me very close to two hours to locate the items, pay for them and get back to my truck.
I feel as if the world is about to end. I feel as if I am a failure. I feel as if there is no purpose to anything. I feel alone and lonely. I feel like sleeping all the time.
This morning we had extensive rain and over the course of 3 hours, we received approximately 3.4 inches (8.64 cm)of rain. I went out in the heavy downpour and sat on the back porch with a hat on and smoked my pipe. I turned the bowl of the pipe upside down so the rain would not extinguish the tobacco. The weather befitted my emotions, unfortunately.
I was thinking today about a time when I was perhaps around 12 years old. My mother brought came home with an excited smile on her face. She had been "antiquing" with her sister (my Aunt Aggie) by going around to various old shops looking for finds. She excitedly showed me what she found. It was an old fashioned pepper grinder. I had never seen one before. My beautiful mother delighted in showing me how the item worked, and she brought out some peppercorns and ground them into the little drawer at the base of the device. Her smile is something I so recall, and the beautiful glint in her eyes and she talked about and described the device to me. I miss that smile, and I miss her. I do not recall what happened to the peppermill. I WISH I had it today. The tears are streaming down my cheeks again.
PipeTobacco
7:34 AM
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
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Day 269... If!
If I walk today, it will be day 269. It is raining cats and dogs at the moment, so I am feeling like going back to bed and listening to NPR.
I do not know what the day will bring, but I *do plan* on walking, although not at the moment.
I am trying to not be contemplative today. Life seems happier when I do not contemplate, but instead simply experience. I do not know if that is sustainable, but at least for now, it is better.
PipeTobacco
7:26 AM
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
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Emotions, Who Needs Them?
In many ways, my trip to Chicago was revealing in terms of my emotions. Because of the time frame that we had, I did not really HAVE TIME to dwell on my fears and sadness like I seem to do most of the time. I have mentioned that previously in earlier posts, but I seem to forget that message over time. Yet, how realistic is it to try to stay so hectic and busy that you do not have time to ponder? It is hard to figure out, for I liked feeling happy, carefree, and excited in Chicago, but at the same time, I do not know if that kind of racing around is realistic at home. And, honestly, I am not sure if ignoring the emotions makes them go away, other than temporarily. But, readers, what should I do?
Two restaurant we went to during our stay in Chicago deserve special mention. The first, Athena, was a very classic and classy Greek restaurant that had an absolutely amazing array of side dishes. I was so pleased at the choices, I ended up ordering a salad and three side dishes instead of a traditional entree. One side was GIGANDES, which are baked lima beans in a rich tomato sauce, the second was BRIAMI which is a heaping plate of sauteed vegetables that are then baked with Greek spices, and the third was SPANAKORIZO which is a delightful baked spinach and rice dish flavored similarly to classic Greek stuffed grape leaves. Although not planned, the second resturant of note we visited also ended up being Greek as well. It is called Venus, and it was also a blissful delight of flavors. At this restaurant I ate a traditional Greek salad (with wonderful, fresh feta cheese) and one of their specialty dishes called GEMISTA. This dinner consisted of stuffed tomatoes and peppers filled with pourgouri, rice, raisins and a beautiful range of spices. It was also served with braised, spiced potatoes. The stuffing material, POURGOURI, is a cracked wheat in light tomato and chicken broth.
The food was wonderful. And very nearby our hotel, there was a grocery store called Dominick's. It was a great place for healthy (and not so healthy) snacks, etc.
PipeTobacco
9:35 AM
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